SHEP'S ARMY: BUMMERS, BLISTERS, AND BOONDOGGLES, Opus Books. Nearly three dozen of Shepherd's army stories never before in print introduced and transcribed. Foreword by Keith Olbermann. (published August 2013)


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JEAN SHEPHERD Kid story—Turkeys & (153b) ARTSY Hard Rain screed 2 of 3

A turkey just sitting on the hood is looking in the window at me.  He’s looking right in.  This big, fat, forty-seven pound turkey.  You can see he’s lost ten years off his life—his feathers are turning white.

And we sit there.  The turkeys won’t move.  They just sit.  Once in a while one looks up and goes gwaglewaglewagle.  If you think Chicken Little was afraid of the sky falling—you don’t know what a turkey’s like!

We sit there for around fifteen minutes.  This farmer’s walking around chewing Mail Pouch and spittin.’  He’s bugged.  He’s got his lantern going, and finally, one by one the turkeys start walking off my hood, they’re looking around.  On the road they start falling in to company formation once again.  Slowly we go down that road, me, my Ford, the scared turkeys, the farmer spittin’ in the ditch, and we go two or three-hundred yards.  The farmer comes to a farmhouse and the turkeys all turn left.  Off they go.  I put the car very carefully in first and I move down the road.

The car smells bad.  (The car smelled with a smell that, to the day I got rid of it, never fully was expunged.  It was a very ripe Ford that I sold.)  It’s got a –I don’t know how to say this—fear acts on a turkey the way that marvelous product that tastes just like Swiss chocolate, acts on a nine-year-old kid after  he’s eaten two packages of it.

I’ve got my electric blue sports coat on, the car’s covered with a thick coating.  It’s just been a bad night all the way down the line.  I finally get to the next town.  The girl’s name is Patty and she works in a drugstore, and she got off her job about seven o’clock and I’m showing up about ten.

I drive up in front of the drugstore.  It’s open till midnight, so she’s sitting inside at the counter.  Waiting.  I walk in.  I say, “Patty, you will not believe this!”



Part 2 of 3 of Ferry’s “Hard Rain.”


Dylan: [


Comparing a Bob Dylan rendition of “Hard Rain” with the Bryan Ferry staged performance, first one should note that Ferry’s short version (his “official” rendition = more financially acceptable) runs three minutes, eleven seconds, while Dylan’s complete playings in varied performances, run from six to over ten minutes. (It’s also a fact that Dylan, early in his career, performed shortened versions.)

I present here Ferry’s cut version, with my annotations, including his added words of embellishment in red, besides cutting two whole stanzas of Dylan’s lyrics that apparently didn’t fit his up-tempo extravaganza. I experience Ferry’s “Hard Rain” as bombastically ironic. The black stage set with bright spotlight features Ferry at a pure white grand piano, with three attractive back-up singers who, in their jazzy costumes and flashy/ironic expressions and voices, bounce along to the up-tempo rhythm. Ferry and the back-ups are frequently videoed in over-the-top, extreme close ups—faces and mouths. Ferry’s opening, with ironic smugness, introduces the whole rendition.

          Ferry’s Dylan

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?
I’ve stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,
Walked and I’ve crawled on six crooked highways,
Stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,
Been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,
I’ve been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard.

It’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

                   [Entire stanza missing—“What did you see…”—etc.]

Oh what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
What did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder that roared out a warnin’,
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world,

One hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazing, heh,

[Here the video begins inserting war scenes—Considering Ferry’s context, I don’t buy the phony emotional play.]

Ten thousand whispering and nobody listening, heh,
One person starve, I heard many people laughin’,

       [The three girl backups do a pronounced, ironic laugh.]
I heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter,

 [The back-up singers give an ironic-sounding “awwww!”]
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley,
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, hard, hard, hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

    [Entire stanza missing—“And who did you meet,….”etc.]

And what’ll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
What’ll you do now, my darling young one?
I’m a-goin’ back out ‘fore the rain starts a-fallin’
Walk through the depths of the deepest black forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where the executioner’s face is always well-hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten,
Where black is the color, and none is the number.
And I’ll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it
And reflect from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I’ll stand in the ocean until I start sinkin’
But I’ll know my song well before I start singin’

[Ferry “sings” in a vocal tone and facial expression which I see as ironic comment, including in the following line, the apparently ironic, “ha-ha-ha-ha”]

And it’s a hard, it’s a hard, and it’s a ha ha ha ha hard,

[As though laughing at the thought.]

And it’s a hard rain’s a gonna fall.
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s so hard so so hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a gonna fall.

             [Throughout, Ferry and the three singers express in actions and sound a disparaging irony–especially, see his expression lower left. Video ends with camera pulling back, revealing singers and Ferry at his white piano.]

In a 1977 interview, there was this approximate exchange:

INTERVIEWER: …a song like “Hard Rain,” which is a Bob Dylan song, it was actually totally different. Being such a major fan of Bob Dylan’s were you a little bit worried that there was one version….

FERRY: There were plenty of other people as well….I thought that he’d underplayed it kind of. He did it during his kind of protest period, and it was just a kind of beautiful poem to me, you know, done to a guitar-strumming accompaniment.

Other comments by Ferry:

“To me a cover is just changing the vocal performance. I like to change a song.”

“Virtually anything you did would have to be different because all [Dylan] did was guitar and voice and mouth organ,…“

Ferry in an interview. “So I did it over the top, real kind of pounding piano and everything, sound effects and so on.

End Part 2 of 3.





JEAN SHEPHERD Kid story—Turkeys & (153a) ARTSY Hard Rain screed 1 of 3

I’m all dressed up and it’s been an hour-and-a-half behind these crummy turkeys.  I do something that even to this day, I’m sorry for doing.  I’m driving right behind this mass of turkeys who are walking along with that funny looks on their faces, their eyeballs spinning, and their bills going, gwaglewaglewagl.  Right up behind them I’m going, and I put my hand on the horn and go WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!  I’ll tell you, have you ever hollered “FIRE” in the middle of the Saturday night feature down at the Bijou?  These turkeys blew their corks!  The air is full of turkeys!  Flapping their wings and landing on the top of the Ford, they’re landing on my hood, gwaglewaglewagle gwaglewaglewagle!  It’s a gigantic rain of turkeys.

This guy’s running around.  He’s got his lantern and he’s hollering and if you ever heard a farmer swear—they know languages that stevedores don’t know!

I sit there.  Oh, my god, these turkeys!  What am I going to do?  The turkeys won’t move now.  They’re sitting on the fenders, they’re sitting on the running boards, there’s one turkey on the back seat crying.

The guy looks in my car window.  “Well, alright, wise guy.  Them turkeys, when they gets scared, they just won’t move.  We’re gonna sit here all night until them turkeys decide they’ll start movin’ again.  Now look what ya done did!”

I say, “I was trying to turn around and my elbow hit the horn.”

“Don’t give me none a that!”

More talking turkey to come.



In Bob Dylan’s Hands

•    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •


I am a Bob Dylan enthusiast—especially of his early work such as “A Hard Rain’s A Gonna Fall,” “Blowin’ in the Wind,” “Tambourine Man,” “Positively 4th Street.” I seldom encounter a cover of his work that I can tolerate. (Yes to some Joan Baez, Jimi Hendrix.) So hearing Brian Ferry do “A Hard Rain,” I’m at war with myself in a knock-down-drag-out-dispute. Ambivalent. Confused. Conflicted.

I acknowledge that Dylan has been a play-actor in his own publicity and performance as the innocent folksy traveler, the vagabond. (Early in his professional career he had Pete Seeger and many others believing in his bogus biography.) But considering the straightforward nature of this situation, I believe his statements regarding his serious creative works as related to his artistic forebears. I do believe he meant what he created at that period in his career in such songs as “Blowin’ in the Wind.” At about that time he was living with Suze Rotolo, who, with her family, were said to be far-leftwing activists, and the country was engaged in a heartfelt folksong revival. He believed it and was preaching to the choir. He also saw which way the wind was blowin.’

In all his public performances I’ve seen in person and in videos, he presents no dancing and prancing and flashy floodlights—no such visual theatrics—he stands there, expresses his beliefs, and performs his creations like an old time folksinger. (The backdrop for the early video of him here is a corny setting that I’d like to blame on the TV production dept.) I find these Dylan songs poetic and filled with his own surrealistic version of truth—kind of like ancient epics.

In Dylan’s book, Chronicles—Volume One, he writes:

“Woody’s songs were having that big an effect on me, [In the late 1950s, early 60s] an influence on every move I made, what I ate and how I dressed, who I wanted to know…. [Lord] Buckley was the hipster bebop preacher who defied all labels. No sulking Beat poet, he was a raging storyteller who did riffs on all kinds of things from supermarkets to bombs to crucifixion…He had a magical way of speaking.

For me, a couple of Dylan’s songs, such as “A Hard Rain,” have the classic purity and rightness of The Lord’s Prayer—you wouldn’t go changing words or doing pop-elaborations on it (except maybe if you were Lord Buckley). It has the straightforward, simple, classic, solemn power, the rightness of a traditional folk song. In Dylan’s Nobel Prize in Literature acceptance speech he wrote in part:

I wanted to know all about it [traditional folk] and play that kind of music….

I hadn’t left home yet, but I couldn’t wait to. I wanted to learn this music and meet the people who played it. Eventually, I did leave, and I did learn to play those songs. They were different than the radio songs that I’d been listening to all along. They were more vibrant and truthful to life….

I had all the vernacular down. I knew the rhetoric. [America’s traditional folk song content.] None of it went over my head – the devices, the techniques, the secrets, the mysteries – and I knew all the deserted roads that it traveled on, too. I could make it all connect and move with the current of the day. When I started writing my own songs, the folk lingo was the only vocabulary that I knew, and I used it….

Our songs are alive in the land of the living. But songs are unlike literature. They’re meant to be sung, not read. The words in Shakespeare’s plays were meant to be acted on the stage. Just as lyrics in songs are meant to be sung, not read on a page. And I hope some of you get the chance to listen to these lyrics the way they were intended to be heard: in concert or on record or however people are listening to songs these days….

What is it that Bryan Ferry has done, and why? In the video, one sees an elegant stage performance, a short, punchy entertainment, that hasn’t, for me, a shred of appreciation/homage for the original. It demeans the genre in which the song was created–a simple, poetic folk-telling of universal truths–reinterpreted as an entertaining, glitzy stage production, getting maximum effect from a powerful surface without any social/philosophical base. The performance seems a put-down. It’s taken the raw moral and poetic meaning, the 1960s associations and contentions, stripped them bare to fleshless, soulless bones, and reformed the skeleton with newly energized, living flesh and flash.  Should we expect some respect from a cover version of a song, a poem, a prayer, an anthem?

See upcoming ARTSY for my continuing conflicts regarding Ferry’s “Hard Rain.”


JEAN SHEPHERD even more syndicated

Click on images to enlarge.

More Shep turkey story coming next!


JEAN SHEPHERD More Turkeys & (152) ARTSY NYT interview

They’re going under the car. They’re very dumb—they think it’s the sky.  One turkey gets caught under my differential in the back.  I can hear him under the floorboard, gwaglewaglewagle, and I have to get out and pull him loose.

One thing you are probably not aware of regarding turkeys.  Turkeys en mass are extremely gamey.  That’s all I gotta say.  And furthermore, they’re very uninhibited—their personal habits are not exactly the kind you want in your living room.

I’m driving forward and it’s like some surrealistic nightmare.  The farmer ahead is waving the lantern, the guy behind me has his lantern, and the entire entourage moves across the landscape like a scene out of an Ingmar Bergman movie, The Turkeys.

It must have been an hour-and-a-half.  We finally get to the end of this road and they’ll either have to take the crossroad left or right. I’m going to wait.  Which way are the turkeys going?  When they go one way, I’m going the other.  Well, the guy in front turns right, the guy in the back turns left.  And I’m stuck.  Two flocks of turkeys.  I’ve got my choice.  It’s either that or drive straight over the pumpkin field ahead of me.




These days, the Sunday New York Times book review section has a page where, one author per issue, they ask each interviewee similar questions about their reading and writing habits.  I’ve frequently thought about this regarding my own work, so it occurred to me to ask myself and respond as though I’d been questioned by the Times.

What books have you recently read and are about to read?

I recently read Susan Cheever’s biography of E. E. Cummings. Years ago I’d read two previous bios of Cummings, but Cheever’s especially impressed me with how her insightful and sympathetic approach gave me a significant sense of his whole conflicted being. I look forward to reading the revised edition of E. E. Cummings: A Miscellany.

What “great books” have most impressed you and why?

Tristram Shandy, Moby Dick, The Ambassadors, Leaves of Grass, Ulysses, U. S. A. Trilogy: They each gave me an unexpected and strong intellectual/emotional/esthetic sense of the author’s created world.

Which writers most inspire you?

Ernest Hemingway. When I was an impressionable teenager, my cousin, Raymond B. Anderson introduced me to Hemingway’s controlled and forceful writing when he loaned me Death in the Afternoon. I eventually read virtually all of Hemingway, and am especially impressed and influenced by how Carlos Baker’s Hemingway: The Writer as Artist, explored what Hemingway did and how he created some of his fiction out of his actual experiences.

In recent decades, I’ve been very inspired and impressed with the entertaining mental agility with which Norman Mailer made every subject he handled a worthwhile intellectual reading experience.

What kind of books must attract you these days?

In recent years, I mostly read books and articles that focus on various aspects of the subjects I’m writing about: humorist Jean Shepherd and my totally true, authentic experiences in art expressed in short, illustrated blog  essays titled ARTSY FARTSY.

These ARTSYS include info/commentary on: “The Garden of Earthly Delights”; artists’ books such as Mexican Codexes and Blake’s “Jerusalem–The Emanation of the Giant Albion”; discovering a secret in Cezanne’s “great slash” atop his Mont Sainte Victoire; constructing a classical guitar and Japanese shakuhachi; correcting MOMA’s Picasso mistake, and my vending of “The Guernica Colorization Kit”; Abstract Visual Relationships; Suzanne Farrell’s ballet slippers, John Curry, Torvill and Dean; Machu Picchu, Vietnam Memorial, and New York’s High Line; fondling in awe the 24,000-year-old Venus of Lespugue, and the world’s greatest netsuke; my 34-year unique design adventures at New York’s museum of natural history (including the sex of grasses in the Komodo Dragon exhibit); my 50-year-old love affair with the New York Times; my encounters with Brother Theodore, Moondog, Seinfeld, three hours with Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider, and having tea with the Vampire Lady; and much more stuff.

What kind of books do you avoid?


What would you like to discuss with one of your favorite authors?

I’d like to ask Walt Whitman, whose writings up to the early 1850s were the most maudlin tear-jerkers, what altered his being—what inspired him into making the extraordinary creations in his 1855 and subsequent editions of Leaves of Grass.

Who would you most like to write a biography of yourself?

Susan Cheever.

What few written words seem among the most memorable and powerful to you?

Lyrics co-written by Barry Mann in 1961 with Gerry Goffin:

I’d like to thank the guy who wrote the song
That made my baby fall in love with me….

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong….

Darling, bomp bah bah bomp, bah bomp bah bomp bomp
And my honey, rama lama ding dong forever.

And when I say, dip da dip da dip da dip
You know I mean it from the bottom of my boogity boogity boogity shoop.



Well, one thing about turkeys.  If you don’t know anything about turkeys, you’re going to learn something about turkeys.  The turkey has a mind of its own—what there is of it, it’s his own.  If he doesn’t want to move, he doesn’t move.  If he wants to do anything, he does it.  So these turkeys are walking ahead of me very leisurely, messing around.  One stops, and that gives the idea to four-hundred-twenty-eight turkeys that it’s stopping time.  They all stop.  Then the guy comes back and hollers at them in turkey-talk, gwaglewaglewagle gwaglewaglewagle!  They start moving sideways.  Back and forth go these turkeys.  Once in a while a big tom-turkey opens his big, fantastic tail like an enormous fan when he’d see a lady-type turkey showing up that looks kind of good to him.  He opens up his tail and starts showing off.  That tail is all part of the big act.  There’s yelling and hollering and all the other turkeys run over there and then they go back again and then he lowers his fan.

This chick is waiting for me in the next town and surrounding me is this mob of four-thousand angry, bugged, walking-around turkeys, and they loiter.  There’s nothing like a turkey for loitering.  They just don’t seem to have any purpose in life.

I start to edge forward, following the turkeys ahead of me.  I’m not going to stay here all night.  The turkeys from behind go around the car like a great river and I’m in the middle of a gigantic turkey-block, moving down this country road at, I would say, roughly, at about six or seven feet an hour.

More turkeys to come.


JEAN SHEPHERD Kid story–Turkeys, & (151) ARTSY Poets 2 of 2

I see this light.  It’s a cold, rainy, miserable, crummy night.  I slow up, and I see ahead of me a great, dark mass on the road, stretching endlessly.  In the middle of this great dark mass is a man carrying a lantern.  One of these Coleman lanterns.  You can see a circle of light about ten or fifteen feet around him. This apparition all around him is a writhing, moiling crowd of turkeys.  It’s insane, weird-looking, like a monster movie—and the man is walking along the road with this herd of turkeys, and he’s taking them somewhere.

The bright light from the Coleman lamp is playing on these turkey heads.  Now, a turkey is not a beautiful bird.  From the head up it looks bad.  He’s got these red wattles, the comb, and the eyes!   There’s a certain strange, maniacal quality to a turkey’s eyes.  With the light hitting the turkey eyes you can see them glowing.  If you’ve ever looked a turkey in the eye in the dark, it’s enough to have you swear off anything.

I pull up.  Here’s these turkeys.  They’re all sort of moving like a great mob of ants or something and they all stay together, very close, tight-knit.  They go gwaglewaglewagle gwaglewaglewagle, calling back and forth in the darkness.  I stop.  Here’s this farmer walking along with these turkeys.  He must have had seven trillion of these babies. The turkeys are spread out on the shoulders of the road.   I can’t get around them.  I’m not driving over the fields with the Ford, busting axels.  It is just like getting behind some herd of warthogs or something.  I decide, holy smokes, I’ll never get through here.  What I’m going to do is back up.

I look in my rearview mirror and I see another light!  I start backing up and I hear somebody hollering, “Hey!  Hey!”  I open the door and look out, and behind me is the avant garde of another herd of turkeys!  The guy back there is yelling, “Don’t back up, mac!  What do you think you’re doin?”  The two guys are driving them all down in two big herds.  I am stuck.  I am stuck between two merging herds of turkeys.



Free Lunch

Ron Offen, the publisher/editor of Free Lunch, had the policy of, when rejecting poems, including some useful literary comment on one’s work when returning it. After submitting poems over a period of many months, Offen, gifted me with a free subscription to Free Lunch—and they say there is no free lunch!


For years, the New York Transit Authority placed car-cards on their trains in a series titled “Poetry in Motion.” These consist of a short poem surrounded by a decorated boarder. As a daily rider, I appreciated this and used the card’s title and decoration for promoting my own little ditties by making small versions of the cards with my poems and distributing them scattered on empty seats. I got no fame or fortune, but it was fun:


I gather my poems into chronological groupings and hold each group together with an inexpensive binding: First Poems. More First Poems, Even More First Poems, Second Poems. Third Poems, Fourth Poems.

My poems vary in style, from the loose (free-form) to attempts at two of the more traditional, organized forms: the sonnet and the villanelle. For a couple of my favorite sonnets, I recommend Gerard Manley Hopkins’ “God’s Grandeur” and “Pied Beauty,” which use such strange word and organizational combinations (Hopkins called the use “sprung rhythm.”) that they sound as though they must be modern. For a villanelle, I like Dylan Thomas’ “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.”

In my Fourth Poems, I encounter a villanelle of mine I still like. The villanelle’s organized form takes a line and repeats it in a specific way. The effect is a kind of obsessiveness that has a strong, emotional effect for me. I’ve written poems on a variety of themes. Here’s one of mine—as one might guess, its a meditation on artsy-ness, based on topiary and associated crafts. The other is also on art, in a loose form:

                         Devoted to Art and Ice

We seek transcendent craft with mind and heart,

though choosing nature’s text exacts a price:

the nature of the natural—or the artifice of art.

(But a bush that’s shorn like sheep will stand apart

as should a swan contrived and carved in ice.


 See: weakened craft devoid of mind and heart;

their makers rake in bucks, but without Art.)

We have our purity, our pride, our mundane sacrifice.

It’s the nature of the natural and the artifice of art.


Could we then, concoct and cast some chart

and condemn those dolts to hell for all their vice,

while we seek transcendent craft with mind and heart?

Where would we live, uplifted, while the crass depart

when purged? We’d weekend in our artful paradise

if we nurtured all the natural and the artifice of art.


It’s we, with our damned sensibilities, who pray apart;

convinced, in faith, that “beauty” does suffice

when we seek transcendent craft with mind and heart

and the nature of the natural and the artifice of art.


                                Walt Whitman, John Marin

Universe in a leaf of grass and mountain in a wet-brush swath.

We live, say Walt and John, between sensation and act,

or should, but our minds intrude, denying life’s immediacy:

Power bound in the brain, constrained from free release,

Confounded by inflexible alphabets in books, broken on the rigid rack of prose.

What we feel must thrust through muscle surge

As pigment strokes unmindful of the mind’s devices—

Urge, urge, long lines must burn the page

From here below where every body knows: barbaric yawps of words and paint.

Yes. Yet what thin and thoughtful lines: with each page and new edition

Pentimento commas, brushed word shifts,

Palimsests of crafted washes, charcoal indirections—

Careful (not random) inflections go and come, settle down and glow,

Underlie the flush and sweep preceding sweet, controlled abandon.


JEAN SHEPHERD Kid story–Turkeys, & (151) ARTSY Poets 1 of 2

Turkeys Galore

I love turkeys—as a food.  It’s one of the great foods.  I’m literally a turkey-nut.  And anyone who’s ever been in the great Midwest—outside the New York area—knows a lot about turkeys.  You know, the turkey is one of the world’s dumbest birds.  The turkey has a brain about the size of a pinhead.  A real dumb bird.  If you have a flock of turkeys and one turkey panics for one reason or another, all the turkeys go totally ape and go over a cliff or something worse than lemmings, and kill about five-thousand of them in about five minutes.

One time I really got bugged with turkeys.  They grow a lot of them in Indiana, Wisconsin, and Michigan, where turkeys are particularly suited to that climate.  Now turkey is not grown the way you grow chickens.  Most people think of a turkey as a kind of a big chicken.  Oh no.  A very different breed, I’ll tell you!  This is a side of turkeys you never see.

I remember one cold, dark night, I’m in a hurry.  I’m driving.  I say to myself, “I know this road, I’m going to take a shortcut and go over there, and go down that road.  I’ll cut out a half an hour.  So I’m driving like mad.  I’ve really got to get to this place.  To be honest, it involved a girl.  When you get mad over a chick, that’s bad mad!

So I’m hurrying and it’s dark and cold and I’m in my Ford and I’m about eighteen years old and really got to see this girl and I’m driving through this road, when all of a sudden, I see a light ahead of me.  Right in the middle of the road.  So I start slowing up.  I figure there’s a car stopped there.  It’s a narrow road, about a lane-and-a-half.  One of these asphalt roads you see in the country.



POETS—Manque and Pro. 1 of 2

What’s it like to be a poet manqué or even a real pro-poet, in a country that doesn’t read poetry? Well, decades ago I wrote over 150 poems, tried a few times to get some published. Ogden Nash, probably our most funny and Beloved American Poet, once complained on a TV show on which he was a panelist, that poets such as himself had to be on such panel shows just to make a living.

A bit of Ogden Nashery:

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.


Billy Collins

Billy Collins is a former U. S. Poet Laureate. He tends to write amusing stuff. I read a profile of him in a major magazine which noted that he had a photo of Jean Shepherd pinned over his desk. I contacted him and interviewed him for my book on Shepherd and he expressed how important he’d been to his growing up: “I had to get my Shepherd fix. He actually made you feel that you weren’t alone….I think he had the best influence on my sensibility. And I think it helped me kind of pursue that sense of being different, being an individual.”

A poem by Billy Collins:

Introduction to Poetry

I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem’s room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author’s name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.


Bill Knott

Bill Knott was a funny, quirky kind of poet, hard to determine if he was for real or not—but poems of his appeared in the New Yorker–WOW! He also achieved a Guggenheim Fellowship. He was highly regarded by some (a comment that he might well have found funny—or annoying). Jeff Alessandrelli, in the LIT HUB website wrote: “He was an odd person, determinedly so. Attentively discombobulated; idiosyncratically calibrated. Most poets are sheep. He wasn’t most.” A New York Times book reviewer described him as “…the brilliant poet and morbid eccentric…” He died in 2014.

I can’t remember the circumstance under which I’d contacted him, but in response he sent me, five autographed batches (books) of his self-published poems. I responded by sending him a copy of my Excelsior, You Fathead! Here’s some Knott:

New Yorker poem, Plaza de Loco poems


Charles Wright

Charles Wright is, indeed, highly regarded, and his Black Zodiac poetry book won the Pulitzer Prize. I bought it and several of his subsequent books, but find Black Zodiac by far the best for my taste and understanding. A sample from it and, when I went to a reading of his, his autograph for me:


Eugene B. Bergmann


I only occasionally submitted my poems for possible publication, and only twice was accepted. A Canadian poetry journal, Undertow published two of my poems! (“Arcadian Commute,” and “Nature Morte.”)



When I encountered a contest using magnetic words that one adheres to one’s refrigerator to create poems, I submitted and am now the proudly (?) published author of two poems in The Magnetic Poetry Book of Poetry. In bookstores I still encounter that book, amused to think that my two poems are probably read more than those of Robert Frost or any other American poet! (That little piece of irony is maybe not funny, but just true.)


End Part one of two.


JEAN SHEPHERD more Syndicated Shep

Click on to enlarge for reading.

Next–Jean and his turkey problem.


JEAN SHEPHERD Kid Stories–the end of Pearl & (150) ARTSY Degas Pastel

From that night on, when Pearl and I stood next to each other in biology class, it was an entirely different thing.  She always said, “Please,” now.  She didn’t have the little spangles, the tassels on her “Yes.”  She’d say, “Would you pass the green dye, please.”  Her nostrils would flair a bit.  “Pass the dye, please.”  I’d say “Yes,” and I’d give her the dye.  She’d say, “Excuse me.  Do you have yesterday’s assignment in your notebook?”  That cool, beautiful, rich smile.  I’d say, “Yeah.  Yeah, yeah.”

From that time on I had trouble eating red cabbage, I could no longer mix it with the mashed potatoes, and ketchup was dead.  My father’s hair was a kind of dirty gray and I wanted to say, “Dad, why isn’t your hair white?”  My mother was always there in that big old bathrobe saying, “How about some red cabbage, gang?”  I’d say, “I’ll have another helping, please.”  And that was the day that changed my life.

That’s all Shep says about Pearl.

Her story’s over. We can understand how his date

with her changed his way of thinking about his family and the differences money

makes to status. Is it what made him a liberal in some aspects of his thinking?

We don’t quite know in what ways it changed how he differed in his life.

Next story we go from Pearl to turkeys.



Degas Pastel–Getting My Hackles Up

The recently encountered Degas picture found in a bus is not a “painting” as widely described. When I first saw it shown for a moment on TV, I said to my wife, “Oh, look, a Degas pastel.” Then I saw it reproduced in the New York Times (2/24/2018) described as a “painting,” and I thought I’d mis-interpreted it on the TV screen. After all, the Times title to the news story used the word “painting,” and the article referred to it as a “painting” nine times, but once as: “The painting, a colorful pastel.” That phrase is a self-contradiction. Googling the picture, all the first page hits (NYT, AP, Reuters, The Guardian, etc.) refer to it as a “painting.”

I opened a large photo of the piece on my computer screen and confirmed that the technique and nature of the work shows it to be, without doubt, not a painting, but a pastel. (I’m also aware that Degas did many pastel works.) Pastel is an art medium in the form of sticks consisting of pure powdered pigments and a binder–similar to chalks used on a blackboard. The picture is not a “painting” any more than a pencil drawing, etching, lithograph, wood-block print, or a tapestry, is a “painting.”  The mass media, following “painting,” blindly galloped lemming-like over the cliff of ignorance.

My large catalog of the 1988 Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Degas exhibit shows it in color with a detailed description of the work, starting with: “The Chorus. Pastel over monotype on laid paper.” Looking up “monotype” in my Art Terms book, I found that it’s a form of printing in which wet paint on glass is pressed onto paper in a technique similar to etchings and lithographs—thus, over that basic, printed, under-layer, Degas created his predominately pastel picture.

My Random House Dictionary of the English Language Second Edition, copyright 1987, defines painting as “A picture or design executed in paint.” I had to confirm this because dictionaries can be outrageously confusing and downright wrong, as was Webster’s Unabridged, 3rd Edition (1961) in its defining “hoi polli” as both the lower class and the upper class. (Sure to confuse unknowing readers for generations to come, as will Webster’s 3rd defining “uninterested” and “disinterred” as the same—would you want to come before a judge who is uninterested in judging your case, or who is disinterested while judging it?) Wrong word-usage matters—it pollutes and confuses accurate understanding of our major means of communicating.

In this close-up, note overall pastel work,

especially in the oranges and the gray hair.


will the media give you no rest?



This is an extra special Artsy inspired by the 2/22/2018 New York Times article in–not the sports section—but the ARTS SECTION.

The feature article, by dance critic Gia Kourlas, describes the ice dance competition in the 2018 Olympics. It is a powerful and elegant description and promotion of figure skating—especially ice dancing—as a fine art. It is a wonderful argument for skating as an art—saying more knowledgably than I could in my two ARTSY FARTSY essays of Jan. 2 and Jan. 5, 2018, which described ice dancers Torvill and Dean, and figure skating soloist John Curry.

Short quotes from the Gia Kourlas article:

.. as a dance critic, I judge skating by different rules, and to me, no team, gold medal or not, matches the artistry of Ms. Papadakis and Mr. Cizeron.

When a free dance program shows two bodies moving as one, as Ms. Papadakis and Mr. Cizeron’s did, it is just as ethereal as ballet.

… for me the real hero of the Olympic Games has been ice dancing.

Yes, it’s skating and yes, it’s dance, but it’s the combination of the two that captures the freedom of what skating can be.

… ice dance pushes skating to a more poetic place.

I am thrilled and it brings tears to my eyes to read Ms Kourlas’ essay, and to watch Papadakis and Cizeron skate their art via YouTube. at:

papadakis cizeron 2018 olympics

Bravo Papadakis, Cizeron, and Ms Kourlas!


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