You know how I always talk about our poor little dreams? Dream Collection Day? Well, folks, I gotta admit it, I never tossed out every last one of my little dreams. I can still make it much bigger than I ever have, can’t I folks? Of course I can! My fantabulous, out-of-this-world celebrity agency, Flimflam and Hornswoggle’s closing the deal as I speak. You see, my agent’s talking to Spielberg about a major film deal.
Okay, so where’s the damn phone call? Only a few of us are lucky enough to have the phone ring-a-ding-ding. Dreams fulfilled.
Aha, I told you!
(We hear Shepherd pick it up.)
Hey, Marty, how’s Mr. Flimflam and how’s Mr. Hornswoggle?
(Pause. Sound of phone being crashed down on receiver. Then Shepherd speaks in a slow, sad voice.)
Folks, I can’t believe it. The whole deal down the toilet.
So much for my own stupid dreams! The Spielberg deal and the TV extravaganza didn’t work out. But I’ve got a firm offer to be Garrison Keillor’s gofer.
That’s supposed to make you laugh, folks.
(For a moment, Shepherd is angry.)
Cherish your illusions, folks, like I’ve to do—make ‘em work for you—what else ya got?
(Now he sounds self-consciously upbeat.)
Not to worry, folks, Shepherd isn’t serious—no tears now, madam. He was just joking around—just making little funnies. After all, he’s still got all his lovely dreams!
(Speaking loudly and full of joyous energy.)
Okay, Herb, now bring it up big!
(His theme, “Bahn Frei,” comes on loud.)
Hi ya, dreams, and hello, reality.
And hello,…delicious, …nutty…fruitcake of life!
(He scats along and plays a bit of jazzy, manic kazoo,
and as time runs out, the volume decreases to silence.)
I-WANT-TO-GET LIST IN YOUR ROCK AND ROLL
(A personal missile-any. Not all in a special ardor)
SATISFACTION Rolling Stones “I can’t get no…”
RESPECT Aretha Franklin “What you want, baby, I got it…”
JOHNNY B. GOODE Chuck Berry “Go go, go, Johnny, go go, go, Johnny, go go.”
GREAT BALLS OF FIRE Jerry Lee Lewis “You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain.”
BALL AND CHAIN Janis Joplin “And I can’t take any more pain. Take away, take away.”
PIECE OF MY HEART Janis Joplin “Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!”
HEARTBREAK HOTEL Elvis Presley “Though it’s always crowded you still can find some room.”
PAINT IT BLACK Rolling Stones “I see a red door and I want it painted black.”
JUMPING JACK FLASH Rolling Stones “I’m Jumpin’ Jack Flash, it’s a gas, gas, gas.
POSITIVELY 4TH STREET Bob Dylan “You’ve got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend.”
LIKE A ROLLING STONE Bob Dylan “You’re invisible now, you’ve got no secrets to confuse.”
A HARD RAIN’S A GONNA FALL Bryan Ferry “Oh where have you been, my blue-eyed son.”
WE’RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT Twisted Sister “We’re not gonna take it anymore.”
SUMMERTIME Billy Stewart “…Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-uck. Chuck a-chuck-chuck huh! yeah!.”
LIFE’S BEEN GOOD Joe Walsh–Eagles “They say I’m crazy but I have a good time…”
COYOTE Joni Mitchell “Prisoner of the fine white lines…”
CREEQUE ALLEY Momas and the Papas “Itchy just to leave the folk music behind.”
A HARD DAY’S NIGHT The Beatles “Feeling you holding me tight, tight.”
WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN The Who “Pray we won’t get fooled again.”
YOU CAN’T HURRY LOVE The Supremes “No matter how long it takes.”
PEGGY SUE Buddy Holly “With a love so rare and true.”
MAGGIE’S FARM Bob Dylan “I try my best to be just like I am, but.”
LIGHT MY FIRE The Doors “The time to hesitate is through.”
HOTEL CALIFORNIA Eagles “Check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”
AMERICAN PIE Don McLean “They caught the last train for the coast.”.
WHO PUT THE BOMP Barry Mann “Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.”
(Just a partial lust.)
I AIN’T GONNA WORK ON MAGGIE’S FARM NO MORE
For those who may be interested:
In my humble opinion, most songs are best in their original recorded renditions, rather than in subsequent “covers” of them. (Most evidently, this applies to original rock versions versus pop singers’ vanilla renditions.) For me, however, at least two of the above list are much better by their original singers in their own subsequent performances: Joni Mitchel’s ‘Coyote” in “The Last Waltz” documentary. Janis Joplin’s ‘Ball and Chain” in Monterrey documentary.